Last night was rough. I didn't get Ryan to sleep until 4:30... needless to say I wasn't the kind and loving mother I usually am. I let him cry in his nursery alone for 30 minutes.... and felt horrible. I grumbled things like, "Man, what was I thinking wanting one of you?" "You're such a little brat."... and felt horrible. I secretly took joy each time I changed his diaper because I know how much he hates it... and then felt horrible.
Then this morning we had his second doctor's appointment. I got up, bathed and fed Ryan, bathed and fed myself and actually did my hair for the first time in 2 weeks (my hatred level for blow drying my hair has quadrupled lately). So far, so good. I had 30 minutes before the appointment and Ryan was in his carseat ready to go. Fifteen minute drive plus arriving 15 minutes early for check-in. Perfect. So I go to find my keys in the diaper bag and they are NO WHERE to be found. No problem... I probably just left them on the table. Nope. The dresser? Nope. The couch? The kitchen countertop? Nope and nope. So off come the couch cushions, the bedroom comforter. Soon I'm dumping out the laundry basket hoping to find them hiding there. No luck. Then... come the tears. Many of them.
So I called Nate and asked if he knew where they were. He didn't, but told me to hold on and he would be home soon.
He got home as my appointment should have been starting and I was in no condition to venture out into public. (Trust me... it was ugly.) So Nate called the doctor's office to let them know that he was running late and would be there soon and left with little Ryan in tow. And...
I went into the bedroom to continue my meltdown.
Apparently it was a bad day for new mothers of newborns. Nate was told that we were already doing better than the other two that had appointments this morning. Both called and canceled and one threated harm to her baby. Showing up 15 minutes late suddenly didn't seem that bad. Nate said the staff was so understanding and even shared their own stories of being a new mother. Anyway, Ryan is doing well. He's weighing in at 8 lbs. 2 oz. I was looking forward to really meeting our doctor... and Nate reassured me that he was a really friendly and funny guy.
So Nate found the keys in the backseat of the car (which has become my new passenger seat since Ryan was born). Nate said that they were covered, so I wouldn't have known they were there anyway (and, of course, the doors were locked.) (Side story: Just last week Nate's car key somehow came off his key chain. How does that happen? We looked EVERYWHERE and finally had to take the car into the Honda dealer. $100 later we had a new computer key. Going back in to get another would have been not only more money down the drain, but super embarrassing.)
Anyway, I just wanted to thank Nate again for being such a sweet husband. I love him to pieces. He never complained that I was acting like a psycho, that I lost something AGAIN, or that he had to take time out of his busy schedule to rescue me. He was only concerned that I was okay. I'm one lucky girl.
8 comments:
Sorry you had a crummy day. I am glad that Nate is so great. Cause when we are far away, it helps us feel good that you are in good hands. Keep plugging along and don't feel bad about the meltdown. We all have them now and again. (Remember that I am a "recovering tyrant"...) And luckily, kids are the most forgiving people on the planet. Love you.
Oh Britt, it's hard to be a new mom. I experienced many tears those first few months. I felt like a psycho too. I just want you to know that you're completely normal. Glad that things worked out, and that Nate could take Ryan for you & that you got a little bit of alone time. It is just hard to adjust to being a mom. All the babysitting, and all the primary callings, etc. can not prepare you to be a mom. a real 100% mom. **hugs**
Brittney, I remember those nights, crying over Adam's crib for hours every night when he had his days and nights mixed up and begging him to please go to sleep. I'd take 10,000 more just like them right now. I know it's so difficult, but cherish every second.
Love, Joy
All I can say Brittney is I bet I am more crazy than you. Everytime I have a baby I have outer body experiences like who was that lady and what happened to my oldself. The answer, there is no oldself anymore, you're a Mom now and quite frankly you are more than aloud to have meltdowns at anytime, and we all do. I have to admit I have a really patient husband who has never suggested I go check myself in to the psych ward (atleast not yet). I love your posts, Ryan is sooooo cute, wish I was there to reasure you that you are doing fine, hang in there. Call me anytime to vent.
Hey Nate, this is Kris, we've been in Idaho for a few weeks and we come back and you've got a BABY! Congrats to both of you! Shoot me an email kremfamily@gmail.com we need to get together. Congratulations again, we're excited for you and Ryan. Solid name.
Kris
I think all new moms (or moms of even subsequent newborns) have days like that. There were many nights like that for me and Bryson, and it was tough, but it will get better. Hang in there, try to sleep whenever he's sleeping (even if it's from 6:30 to 7:45 PM, and know that you have lots of support from moms who have been there. I'm glad Nate is supportive and that Ryan is thriving. I know it might not feel like it at times, but I'm sure you're a great mom.
ok my dear I am going to share with you the secret of my success...are you ready??? ok here it is, when I was a new mom someone gave me one of those metal clippy things like it looks like what a repeller would use hmm do you know what I am talking about?? Like it easily clips on and off of things. (If you don't know what I am talking about let me know I will send you a pic) Anyway it has saved my life cause when I am hauling like 50 things at once I can't did through a bag or even my pockets. So I just always clip my keys onto the outside of the diaper bag or on my belt loop and you always have your keys right there. You may feel a bit like a janitor but whatever that little thing has saved my life!! Good luck and go spend 2 bucks on a metal clippy thing!
Oh, Brit I couldn't help but laugh and remember those hard first . . . well years! Hang in there, you are not the first or the last to think unkind things to your baby. Believe me I hope they bleep out alot of Anne Dees first weeks when she watches the movie of her life. Hang in there mommy you're doing great!
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