Friday, August 19, 2011

Happy Birthday, Nate!

I love you and am so glad you're mine!  Happy 30th, you old man!


So I'm a little fired up today because of something that recently happened.  And I hate feeling this way.  I hate drama.  I hate confrontation.  I hate feeling angry. I hate not being able to control my emotions.  I hate not being able to control my physical response... I'm literally shaking.  Repeat: I hate feeling this way.

I'm typically the person that gets over things rather quickly.  I'm not easily offended in that I usually understand with what intention someone says or does something.  But there are those rare times that for one reason or another (typically when the offense is intentional or down right evil, etc) I struggle to fully let go.

Years ago when Nate and I were newly married I received a chastizing letter (meant to be anonymous of course!) from a sister in my ward.  Truth be told, she wasn't exactly my kind of person to begin with, but I let this offense be a reason to not like her.  Even now when I think of her, I hold back the urge to gag.  Was she wrong to send me such a cruel letter (which honestly I thought was HILARIOUS... I'd share, but this blog is public)?  Absolutely!  Am I still under an obligation to forgive although I never received any sort of apology?

The Lord has commanded, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."  (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10)

And I know why the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, requires this of us.  It's not just for the offender, but more importantly for the offended.  I'm to forgive so I don't have to feel this way anymore.  And truthfully, that sounds amazing!

I thought I had forgiven the sister previously mentioned, but does this lingering gag reflex mean I haven't?  Yet, I hold no ill-will towards this sister and truly want the best for her.  (I'm a firm believer that those who feel they must take it upon themselves to point out others flaws must have some deep-rooted problems and I do, in all seriousness, feel bad about that.)

This recent incident caused all of these past feelings to resurface and I'm just curious what people's thoughts are on the matter.  I know I'm not required to want to hang out with these people or hug them the next time I have the misfortune of bumping into them, but what is required?

Needless to say I'm ready to start my "forgiving others process" (reserved only for the vilest of offenses... I only bust this thing out every few years or so) of praying to get over it.  I have yet to hit my knees over the issue, because I'm still super upset.  I know, I know I should've done it the minute I felt this way.

All I have to say is thank goodness for a Father who wants His children to be happy. Thank goodness for a Father who's provided us with a way to be forgiven of all our offenses and with a way to forgive others of theirs.

I already feel better.